Something has changed here. Now. Something is lost. We try to find it but it slips through our fingers. There are three things to find. What do we have? We have nothing. Or we have each other. Or we have our memories. Or we have our dreams. Or we have nothing. I walk forward on this plank and with each step I feel a part of myself fall away. What does she mean when she looks at me in the way. What do they ever mean? I thought that I could understand other minds but now they all seems so alien. I can't even being to imagine the beginnings of the thought of another being. It's all dead. The mind is barren. Wait. When will the spark return. Where is the fountainhead? Where is the singularity? Why does my mind feel like so much cotton.
I wish I had something to write but there is nothing to say. Nothing that hasn't been said. I can't form a thought. Penny for a thought.
We spent all afternoon skipping down sidewalks waiting for the icecream truck to come ringing through town. We gave up and ate lamb with mint jelly. The lamb was better with mint jelly. I considered giving up drugs, but then I remembered how painful life is. I decided that quitting is for quitters. So is rehab.
Hello? Jim? It's Sage. They've found us out. Quick, escape while you still can. Awesome radial force. The awesome radial force of these two children swinging arm in arm. We completed the work with the help of strong marijuana. Word soup.
Word soup. Word soup.
Not a creative bone in my body. Death of the mind. Kill the body and the head will die. There is nothing for me in this room. There is no way to escape when the bug is in your brain. I have a bug in my brain.
It wiggles and squirms. Why? Because it's hungry. Everyone knows that brains taste delicious. How could the soul be destroyed while maintaining the ability to spell. You'd think they'd have designed it so that spelling would go first. Oh well. We can't be too picky. I've got two presents for the first person to put $100 on my desk. I only take cash or cashiers check. Have you seen the cashier? She is hot!
You can't? Bullshit you can't. Why don't you at least try?
Seven hours later he woke up in the same room. But he had changed. Or had he? He tried to remember what his mind was like before he passed out. Was it the same? Were his thoughts the same? How could he be sure. How could he trust whom he had become.
We walked on that beach for hours, none of us wanting to speak. We were each too afraid of being hurt. To speak was to put yourself out there... to risk feeling pain. It wasn't until the words hit the air that you realized how tragic they were... how impossible it was to really say or think anything. None of us wanted to admit that everything was dark and so we walked and waited for the real darkness to descend.
When I wake up in the morning I sometimes forget that I am sick. I think the part of my brain that remembers the pain is still asleep and I get a few blissful moments of seeing the world as it used to be... or as I used to see it. But the sickness is deep-rooted in my mind.
